Choices
by miss-cutie-pie-snugalisious
Summary: Lily is a 21 year old Auror.James is a 21 year old Death Eat.Read as they uncover the truths of their past and discover their roels in their future.Not very good at summarys.Please reand and review.Its better than you may think. Rated M for later chapters
1. The begining

"Lily" my colleague and long time friend Remus calls out to me.

Remus and I had known each other from our years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He had always been a good friend despite being one of the infamous marauders who would often give us prefect's trouble with their pranks.

Remus had been the brains of the group. He was the kind, smart, cute, bookworm. He was often the one to devise the plans and could somehow find a way out of any sticky situation. He was great for a meaningful conversation, and to his own dismay was very shy around girls.

Sirius was definitely the body. He was well known around the school for his good looks and womanizing reputation. Though, even I had to admit that he had always been loyal and caring towards his friends.

James Potter was the leader of the Marauders, anything he said went. Much like Sirius, who was practically counted as a Potter, James was extremely good looking and had a bit of a bad boy womaniser reputation. James and I had started dating in our 7th year, after many years of rejections my heart began to warm towards him until finally, I found myself falling in love with him. James and I had been heads that year as well as receiving the position of Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

The last member was Peter Pettigrew. Peter had never really been very useful when it came to conjuring up pranks or performing spells, but he had always been there for the marauders.

But these days' things weren't the way they used to be. After Graduation everyone had been shocked to find out that two members of the marauders had joined the rising forces of Lord Voldomort.

At first most had assumed that it was just some superstitious rumour created by some lunatic, but after an attack on a muggle village in the south of England in which James Potter and Peter Pettigrew had been witnessed using the unforgivable curses it had been confirmed. Peoples hopes had been shaken.

My name is Lily Evans and I am a 21-year-old Auror. I have a highly valued field job at the Ministry and I am highly thought of in the wizarding society.

Remus, Sirius and myself have been working together ever since our Auror training in which Remus was very lucky to due to his condition (werewolf or "Furry little problem" as James had used to put it).

"Lily" Remus repeated "Lily, Moody wants to see us in his office in 5 minutes"

I nodded my head and smiled. The full moon had been 2 nights ago and Remus was still exhausted and wounded badly. Ever since James and Peter had turned to the dark side, his transformations had been even more painful on him and Sirius.

"Remus you look like death itself, would you just go home and rest," I said concerned.

"No use suggesting it flower, you know Moony, wouldn't want to scratch his perfect record" Slinging his arm around my shoulder, I looked up to see none other than Sirius Black himself smiling down at me

"Well, good morning to you too Sirius" Laughing I gave him a light kiss on the check

"Don't you three have more important things to do than block the walkway" A squeaky voice interrupted us. We turned around and were meet with a sudden explosion of pink.

"Aw, Umbridge you know I just wanted to get a look at that dazzling face of yours before I started my long, hard, dangerous day" Sirius said with a charming smile.

The pudgy woman's lips twitched ever so slightly "Right, very well you have seen my face now all of you back to your work" with that she gave a little huff and trotted off in the direction of Moody's office.

"Sirius, don't force me to tell Tanie that you have been unfaithfully flirting with ugly women," I said trying, but failing not to laugh.

"You wouldn't," he said in mock horror

"Mrs. P sends her love, she says you two haven't been to see her recently and she expects a visit soon or she'll go insane with only the elves for company" Remus and I laughed.

"I'll go and see her tomorrow, I get off early" Remus said "Lily we ought to get into Moody's office before we get in trouble," he turned to Sirius " See you later Pad" he turned again and headed to Moody's office.

"Yeah I better be off to, I'm come round for dinner tonight so I can grace you all with my mind blowing presence" he smiled wickedly "bye Sirius" I said giving him a quick kiss on the cheek I headed off to the meeting.

When I arrived there I saw Moody, the Minister of magic and Ryan Hogkin the Assistant head Auror standing around a large table with papers all over it. At the front of the table were 3 seats, 2 in which been occupied by Remus and Dolores Umbridge.

"Take a seat Evans" growled Moody.

I did as I was told and took the third seat, which was in between Remus and Umbridge.

"We were just discussing your next assignment" he began to explain "Lupin and yourself will be taking some troops and tailing a death eater, who is one of You-know-who's most trusted followers. You will be obtaining information about him and reporting it straight back to me"

I was getting rather curious, it sounded rather dangerous.

"This will be, by far, the most life threatening mission you have ever been on" the Minister added

"Sir exactly who will we be following?" Remus inquired

"You're not going to like this Lupin, but I know you'll do the best job you can, you two are my most trusted workers" Remus and I both knew what he meant. We were all members of the Order of the Phoenix.

"You're going to be tracking James Potter" Moody sighed, he knew of our connections.

Simultaneously Remus and I paled and were silent. This really was going to be hard and dangerous; many emotions were going to be stirred.


	2. James

A cloaked figure walks down a long dark corridor. He walks rather hastily and his speed increases, although he does not go faster than a walk, as he approaches a heavily guarded door at the end of the corridor.

The men at the end of the door are wearing black masks. They raise their wands.

The cloaked man took of lowered his hood.

"I am James Harold Potter, the right I am an illegal animagis and I take the form of a white stag", his steady, deep and clear voice echoed around the dark corridor.

James waits until the two guards step aside and the doors open, revealing another dark room the only sources of light were the few touches lit on the wall.

There is a long rectangular table in the middle of the room, at the end of the table sat a man with ghost white skin and red eyes.

All the seats at the table were occupied except on, which was placed right next to the pale man.

"Ah James you are finally here, we were just about to start" the man hissed

"I am sorry I kept you waiting My Lord" James took his seat and waited for the Dark Lord to start.

Voldomort leaned back in his chair.

"Now that we are all here we can begin, Blainly I believe you have some information about the movements of the Ministry".

A tall, fat and balding man wearing a grey cloak stood up.

"Thank you My Lord" he said bowing slightly to his master "Yes, my sources informed me that the Aurors have been informed that we will not be going to St Pauls but that we will be raiding Camden town" A few wizards and witching grunted in protest to this statement.

"Yes and Rhonagin and his family have finally decided to join us" The dark Lords lips twitched ever so slightly into an evil smirk. Whispers went up around the room and Blainly was silent.

After a while the woman sitting to the left of James grew impatient.

"Is that all you have to say or is there more but your old brain just can't seem to remember, ether way you are wasting the Dark Lords time" she screeched.

The old man looked outraged. James and a few others sitting near to him chuckled.

"Calm yourself Bella" the woman was immediately calmed and silent, "carry on Blainly".

The man turned his glare from Bellatrix and went on.

"Ah, my last piece of information is about a very important assignment has been assigned to two very talented Aurors. They have been assigned the job of bringing down James Potter" when he had finished his sentence he sat down.

All of the upper half of the table found this hilarious and were laughing madly even the dark Lord found this Humerous..

When the laughing had concluded bella spoke up again.

"They really have gone insane if they think they are going to kill our James" she laughed

"I do not think they wish to kill him but only convert him, he is after all the son of the most respected family in the wizarding community" he said more to himself than the others.

"I assure you My Lord that that will never happen, I am your faithful servant" James said seriously.

"I know James; you need not persuade me but them. Blainly did your sources by chance tell you who have been given this mission"

"Yes My Lord they did. A Miss Lily Evans and the Werewolf, Remus Lupin"

Those in the room who had gone to school with James or those who knew him well knew that he had been friends with Lupin and had even been in love with Evans. What all but Voldomort did not know was that his heart still beated for her and he did not want to kill her.


	3. Embarrassed ?

"WHAT" Sirius stood up in outrage.

"Sirius please calm down" I got up from my seat at the table and walked over to Sirius.

"Lily how can you ask me to calm down when you have just informed me that the Ministry has assigned you and Remus, but not me, his ex-best friend, the one who has known him longest and who was like a fucking brother to him, the mission of spying on and eventually bringing in James Bloody Fucking Potter" Sirius was now pacing the room.

Remus and myself had been unsure as to whether or not to tell Sirius about the assignment, but in the end we decided that we would seeing as he would eventually find out,

We were going to be starting in two weeks, due to additional training and will be having less field days and more office days so we can soak in all the information that Moody had gathered together.

"Sirius the only reason they didn't assign you the mission was because they knew that you would have a fit and lose your temper" I put a comforting hand on Sirius shoulder.

"Lily I can't believe you're going to go through with this, you're going to end up having to bring him in, which will be incredibly difficult, and that means confronting him and I know you still have feelings for him and so will he and he'll use it against you" Sirius was really loosing it, he was panicking.

"Sirius don't worry I'm going be there with her and I'm not going to let him touch her not even with a 10 foot pole" Remus said reassuringly still sitting down next to Tanie who was quietly eating her meal.

"Tanie how can you be so dam calm about this" not taking her eyes off her meal she responded.

"Sirius I trust that the Ministry wouldn't assign them this if they weren't sure that they could do it. I believe that Lily and Remus will do a great job" Tanie had always been the calm and collected one and she had a way of rubbing it off on other people.

"I guess you're right, you guys can do this." Sirius sighed and sat down rubbing his brow.

"Padfoot everything is going to be fine" Remus walked over to the cupboard and pulled out 2 bottles of Fire whiskey and some glasses.

He brought them back to the table and poured some out into the glasses, he handed one to Tanie, one to me, kept one for himself and handed the 2nd full bottle to Sirius who welcomed it with open arms.

From then on we all sat in silence letting the Firewhiskey soothe and relax us.

"_James, no well get in trouble, were heads now we need to be setting good examples" James kept a hold of my hand, he turned around and smirked._

"_Come on poss, live a little" Poss was James's nickname for me, he called me poss because possums were my favourite animals, but only James (and sometimes Sirius when he felt like dying) could call me that._

_We continued to walk through the darkened corridors. I loved Hogwarts but I had always been a bit frightened when I walked through it in the dark._

_I shuddered, walking closer to James and took hold of his arm._

_James noticed this and gave me a reassuring smile, I smiled back_

_Finally we reached the front doors of the castle and we walked out in the direction of the lake._

"_We really should be doing our rounds James," I said matter-of-factly. James slowed his pace as we came to the edge of the lake._

_James did not answer but instead started to take off his jacket and shirt. When I saw his toned and tanned chest I grew a little weak in the knees._

"_James?" I hissed as he ridded himself of his pants and jumped in the water in only his blue boxers._

"_James what the hell are you doing? Your going to get caught" I was panicking_

"_Come on Poss get in" he was smirking._

"_There is now way, James, that I am getting in there" I crossed my arms over my chest._

"_Lillllllllllly" James whined_

"_No"_

"_Please"_

"_No"_

"_Please"_

"_No James"_

"_I'll do anything Poss come on anything at all there's got to be something you want me to do" He smirked suggestively; I poked my tongue out at him._

"_Hmmmmm, i'll get in if you lay off the pranks for two months"_

"_Two months Lily that's so long, Two weeks"_

_I put my hands on my hips._

"_1 month" she compromised_

"_3 weeks that's my final offer" he said now crossing his arms over his chest. I laughed._

"_James you're the one who wants me to come in I should get to make the final offers" James smirked._

"_Says who" he knew he was winning._

_I sighed and tapped my foot._

"_Ahh, fine" I gave in_

_I looked around to make sure no one was watching then without thinking I stripped do to my lacy black bra and panties. James breath momentarily caught in his throat._

_I did a graceful dive into the cool water. When I resurfaced I couldn't see James anywhere, I turned around but still no James._

"_James?" My voice echoed around the grounds. Someone tapped on my shoulder and I screamed and jumped back. When I turned around I saw James laughing at me, I sent him and evil glare and he only laughed harder._

"_James that was so mean" I hit him playfully on the arm. He smiled and scooped me in his arms bride style; I smiled and put my arms around his neck._

"_I love you Lily" he looked deep into my eyes and my heart skipped a beat._

"_I love you too James" I said and I truly meant it. I pushed my lips hard against James, at first he was a little surprised but soon he started to respond and we kept at for five long minutes only coming up for air when we needed to._

"_Such a lovely night" James and I split apart and saw Professor Dumbledore casually walking by in the direction of the castle. I blushed and hid my half naked body behind James. I saw James laughing lightly and there was a small smile on Dumbledore's face._

_Not really looking at us once the Professor continued to walk into the castle._

_Only when he was gone did I really think about what about I was wearing. I blushed even redder and tried to cover myself as best as I could._

_James smirked at me and looked down to what I was desperately trying to cover._

"_Embarrassed?" I shook my head "Good because there's no reason to be, your absolutely beautiful" his lips came down on mine and again I hooked my arms around his neck and I kissed him back. I moaned._

"Lily" I heard the distant sound of Tanie's voice and I felt myself slipping away from the memories.

"Lily" It was becoming clearer "Lily" My eyes opened. I was lying on the ground, a cup in my hand and the clothes I was wearing the previous night.

"What" I said groggily, she laughed at me.

"You're going to be late for work honey" she smiled lightly at me as I shot up.

"Oh shit, oh shit, OH SHIT, Moody's going to kill me".


	4. The new guy on the block

Tanie and I walked through the mall carrying bags and bags of clothes and chatting madly. Today was my day off or at least my half-day because Moody wanted to see me later.

Tanie and I had been having a girls day out and so far we had had manicures, pedicures, facials, massages, been out shopping and had lunch at a fancy café. At the moment the topic of our discussion was James Potter.

"Lily it's obvious that you still have feelings for him and you haven't really had a proper date since he joined them" stated Tanie.

"I have too had a date" I objected.

"Oh yeah name one"

"Well there was…um, well…" 'OMG she's right I haven't'. Tanie smirked

"See you've been hanging on to the thought that James will come back but he won't. Lily if you're going to do this assignment you have to let go of your feelings for him or your going to be in big trouble" Tanie's expression had changed into a look of sympathy.

"I know Tanie, but me and James never really officially broke up, he just left, what if he still has feelings for me?" I said

"Lily even if he still has feelings for you, you can't get back together with him, he's evil now, and you know how many raids and deaths he's responsible for"

I sighed; we walked out of the mall, across the road and into the park. The park had many picnic tables and we took a seat near the children's playground.

"So?" Tanie asked randomly

I looked at her confusedly

"Are you going to try to get rid of your feelings for him?" she asked in a pleading voice.

I sighed. I looked over at another couple sitting on the grass. Oh what would I give to have a relationship like that, sitting in a park, sitting in each other's company, smiling, laughing, kissing, just being next to someone you love.

Maybe it would help me, maybe I should move on its not like I've got a chance to be with James again.

"Lily, you-who, earth to Lily" I snapped my eyes back to Tanie.

"Alright" I said in a confident voice although I did not feel that confident at all.

"Really? Ahh yay this is so awesome lets go clubbing tonight, it'll be so much fun" Tanie squealed. She looked at her watch.

"Oh is 3 o'clock you'd better go, here give me your bags and I'll see you later" I handed my bags to her, checked to make sure no one was looking an apparated to work.

When I got there I headed straight for Moody's office, when I walked in I saw all of my team standing there around Moody's desk. There was Millie Hochberg, Tyson Tarroneta, Frank and Alice Longbottom, Eddie Smars and another man.

This other man was tall and very handsome, though I did not think him anymore handsome than James, 'You're not meant to be thinking about James' I mentally scolded myself.

He had dark blond hair and blue eyes. He was fairly tanned and from the look of it had nicely toned muscles.

"Evans, thank you for finally gracing us with your presence" Moody growled.

"Sorry I'm late" I said and took a seat.

"Evens I have just informed your team and Lupins team about the Mission and they will be undergoing some extra training as well before we put this mission into action" Mad Eye informed me.

"And as I am sure you are all curious as to who this man is here, this is Alex Ringer an he is the newest addition to your group and he has exactly the same qualifications as the rest of you" He said indicating to Millie, Tyson, Frank, Alice and Eddie.

"He has recently been transferred from American, he will be with you for 5 months and then will be returning to America" Moody said.

I had to take a minute to let it all sink in. When the situation had finally sunk in I noticed that everyone's eyes were on me, I blushed a little and smiled.

"Well then welcome to the team," I said in semi-sarcasm. He smiled warmly at me.

"Alright well that's all, Ringer" Ringers attention went back to Moody "good luck your going to need it with her in charge" everyone except me laughed, I just sent a fake glare in Moody's direction.

"Alright that's all, so get out," Moody said.

We all filed out of the room. Once out of the room I started up a conversation with Alex in attempt to get to knoe hime.

We kept talking for about 20-30 minutes, and I was really enjoying his company, when I was caught in a hug with Sirius.

"Sirius let go of me now or I'll be forced to kill you," I said laughing. He put me down and then noticed I had company, boy company. Ever since James had gone Sirius had started to get even more protective of me and whenever there was someone he didn't like he would make sure that they didn't get too close.

"Who are you" Sirius said coldly. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm Alex Ringer" Alex said holding out his arm, Sirius did not shake it. Alex did not seem to be offended by it but just took back his hand.

"So what do you want with Poss" Sirius said. By now Remus was standing on the other side of me acting just the same as Sirius.

"Excuse me" Alex looked really confused.

"He asked you what you wanted with Lily" Remus said, although a little less harsh as Sirius.

"Alright that's enough, Alex is a new addition to my team he was transported from America," I answered for him.

That seemed to be a good enough answer for Remus.

"Sorry about that, just taking precautious, I'm Remus Lupin nice to meet you" Remus said politely and stuck out his hand. Alex took his hand.

"Alex Ringer, it's a pleasure" Alex smiled.

I looked over at Sirius and he was still looking coldly at Alex. I sighed

"This is Sirius Black," I said for Sirius. Alex ran hand through his hair. "Alex I should probably go it was nice talking to you we should do it again sometime soon, though somewhere a little more privet" I said eyeing Sirius. Alex laughed lightly.

"That would be nice I'll catch you later then" I watched him walk away and my eyes traveled down his back and to his ass. 'Bad Lily, no perving on nice men, bad'.

"What the heck is your problem Sirius Black?" I said rounding on him

"Look Lily there's just something I don't like about him, and I was just letting him know that I didn't like him" I groaned.

"I am not happy with you Sirius, I'm going home" with that said I walked out to the apparation room and went home.


	5. Would you like some brandy with that ?

James walked through the large woods that led to where he lived. Ever since he had joined the death Eaters, he had had to be so much more wary about what he did even though there was less risk at dying.

There was no path visible and all he could see in front of him was trees, though it seemed that he knew exactly where he was going.

After a few more turns all the trees suddenly vanished and a huge handsome stone Mansion stood there.

There were tall, black gates surrounding it. There were no neighboring houses around and all was quite.

James walked up the path and to the front of the gates and stopped.

"Ditty" he called out. Immediately a little house elf appeared with a 'poof' right next to James. When the house elf saw her master her eyes lit up and a wide smile covered her face.

"Master James, you is home." She said happily. James smiled faintly and touched her shoulder.

"Let's go inside" he said in a tired voice. Ditty nodded and with another 'poof' they booth appeared on the inside of the mansion at the entrance hall. The minute they had entered at least ten smiling house elves rushed up to greet him. James took off his cloak and shoes which were immediately taken but two house elves.

James started to walk down a long walkway that was covered with doors and moving portraits of his ancestors until he reached a circular hall. In the middle of the hall was a grand marble staircase which led up to an inside balcony that looked down to the previous level.

The hall had no actual doors in it but had many large double doorframes that led to many other places in the Mansion.

James walked up to the bottom of the stairs with all the elves still following. He tuned around to look at the elves.

"Could you bring dinner up to my study tonight please, Dotty? Ditty you come with me." James commanded to the still smiling elves. Ditty climbed onto the stairs and took old of James hand.

James smiled at her. She was the youngest elf he had and while he loved all the elves that severed him he had always found Ditty to be good company. Ditty did not like heights so whenever she travelled on the stairs she would take hold of James's hand.

"Where can I take you master James?" said a booming voice that came out of the walls of the Mansion.

Many may have thought it weird to hear a house speaking and it was a little. It had not always been that way but, James's Great, Great, Great, Great Grandfather had been an excellent potions master and had liked to experiment and one day one of his experiments had gone a little wrong and the house had started to talk. The family had given him the name of Charles.

It had always been very useful to James; the house had always liked James and had helped him escape from his mother when he was in trouble.

"7th levels please Charles" James said.

"As you wish" Charles said and soon the staircase was rising of the ground. Ditty moved a little closer to James and James moved back to stand behind her to make her feel better.

They passed many levels before the staircase came to a halt and Ditty and James got off.

"Thank you Charles" James said politely.

"You are welcome Master James"

James and Ditty started to walk down another tall walk way. At the end of the walkway they came to a handsome wooden door. James opened the door and walked in Ditty following close behind. The walls of the room were covered in books and there was a great wooden table in the middle of the room that was facing toward a window that took up a half of the wall.

Ditty quickly ran to the fireplace behind the desk and lit it with a click of the finger and curled up in front to it. James walked up to one of the walls and took down a big blue book, he walked over to the desk, sat down and put his feet up on the table and began to read.

Many hours later when James had eaten and was near the end of the book Charles voice interrupted him.

"Excuse me Master James, Mr. Albus Dumbledore is at the gate," He said

"Let him in and bring him up here" James put his book down, took his feet of the desk and went over to the window were he saw one of his elves appear right next to a tall figure.

James turned around and walked back to his desk and sat down.

"Pilly, Midge and Doc" he called out into the room. Just as Ditty had appeared before three more elves came in a straight line just before the desk.

"Pilly could you please fetch a bottle of Brandy, a bottle of Firewhiskey and glasses" He asked the fattest of the elves, it bowed and it disappeared, James turned to the next two.

"Midge could you please turn the fire on in my bedroom, pull out my nightwear and run a hot bath for latter for me" an elf with a very long nose bowed and left just as the other had before him.

"Doc, you are to meet Albus at the top of the stairs and escort him here" the last elf also bowed but this time he did not disappear the way the others had but ran out the door.

Within the seconds that Doc had left Pilly came back with all that she had been asked for; She placed it on the coffee table and waited for more commands.

"You can stay with Ditty for now Pilly" James said pouring himself some Firewhiskey.

Just as he was about to take a sip Doc came in pursued by Albus Dumbledore.

"Care for anything to eat" James questioned skipping the greetings.

"No but I wouldn't mind a -" Albus started but was cut off by James finishing his sentence.

"-spot of Brandy" Albus smiled

"You know me to well James" James smiled and poured a generous amount into glass and handed it to Albus.

"Do take a seat" James offered. James took a seat in one of the single lounge chairs and Albus took a seat in the double seater.

"You know I always look forward to coming here James, these seats are the most comfortable seats I have ever had the pleasure of sitting on" He said

"You should try the beds" James responded. Albus laughed and then sighed.

"So I'm guessing that this is not just a friendly visit" James commented taking a sip out of his glass.

"Well seeing as you are still a member of the Order I thought that I should come and inform you of what is going on and see what I can get out of you about Voldomort" said Albus.

"There's not much to say about him, he knows that Lily and Remus are being sent to hunt me down and he knows that no matter what I won't be able to kill her" James said "I'm sick of this Albus I want to see her I want to see all of them, I don't want to be feared or hated and I can't continue pretending to kill people" he shouted, James was on his feet know. He ran both hands through his hair.

All was silent for a moment.

"You will see her in time James, in time" Albus comforted James. "James I have one question for you, what do you know about Alex Ringer?"


	6. Black letter

I ran as fast as my legs could take me, every now and then jumping to miss a curse or deflecting some with my wand.

'I can't go much further' I am ready to collapse. 'No it's just a little further you can do it' said a second voice in my head. I can hear Remus heavy breathing behind me.

I run around the last corner and I can see the rest of my team are all there.

'Thank Merlin there safe' out of the corner of my eye I see a purple light heading my way really fast.

'I'm not going to make it,' its to high to jump and to fast to deflect, I ready myself for the blow. But I don't feel anything I look to the side and see a frozen purple light one meter away from me.

'Merlin bless Remus'

"Well done everyone, you all pasted you final training, but remember that that was just training the real thing you're not going to have any second chance" Moody informs us.

Remus and I collapse on the floor and lay flat on the floor panting.

"Constant Vigilance" Moody suddenly shouts at us, "You aren't going to have the time to rest you need to get used to being tired" He growls. I groan and the people surrounding us laugh.

I opened the door to the apartment I shared with Tanie; I hung my coat up, took my shoes off and dumped my bag on the floor. I walked into the kitchen and saw that Tanie had already started on dinner.

I took a seat, folded my arms on the table and rested my head on them.

"Hey Lils how was your day" she asked

"We finished our training and Moody says were going to start in two days and Alex and I are going to have coffee together tomorrow" I said happily. Tanie squealed, dropped whatever she was doing and hugged me. I laughed

"Ah honey I so happy for you, your finally going to get laid again" She said going back to what she was doing previously.

"Tanie its just coffee and I have been laid many times before thank you very much"

I said defending myself.

"Other than James" she said smirking. I glared at her playfully. She laughed.

Later that night Tanie and I were sitting on the couch watching Grey's Anatomy when we heard a tapping on the window in the kitchen; Tanie got up and opened the window. A large brown handsome owl flew in, dropped a letter on Tanie's seat and flew back out. I heard Tanie close the window. I picked up the letter and paled when I saw it was a black letter.

I turned it over praying it wasn't for me, saying that Petunia was dead. I was momentarily relieved when I saw what was written of the front.

_To Miss Catalani Delour _

_196 Waddle St Battaina, London-England_

There was a ministry seal on the back. I felt Tanie sit back down and stiffen when she saw the letter.

"Whose it for" she asked shakily. I handed the letter to her. She let out a little sob and tears were appearing at the corners of her eyes.

I wrapped my arms around her shoulders as she tore the Ministry seal and took the letter out and read. With each sentence she read more and more tears poured down her face.

"He's dead, Aaron he's dead, no, no, this can't be happening" she buried her face in my shoulder and cried. Aaron was Tanie's Older brother who had been working on special missions for the Phoenix. We sat there for a few hours before her crying ceased and I noticed that she had fallen asleep. Just as I was about to get up and levitate her to her bead a face popped up in our fireplace.

"Hey Lils, do you mind if I come round I'm absolutely bored" he said. I shook my head, I could use his help. Within seconds Sirius was standing in front of the fireplace carrying two bottles of Firewhiskey.

His eyes landed on Tanie and then the letter in her hand.

"Who was it?" He asked his eyes not coming off the letter.

"Aaron" I said quietly. He nodded. He walked over to the couch and picked the now awake Tanie up and carried her into her room. I could hear her crying again and Sirius comforting her.

It was times like these I wish I had James to Take me in his arms and tell me everything was going to be alright, that he would fix it all and make it better; and he would, just by being there he could make me feel better.

I curled up into a ball on the couch and slowly started to cry.

"James"


	7. Home sweet home

Tanie's brother's funeral was going to be held at a small cemetery in the wizarding village that her parents lived in.

I had only ever been to 2 funerals in my life and they were my parents conjoined and James's fathers. My parents died in a fire at the hospital they both worked at when I was only 13, so I barley remembered it, and since then I had been living with Tanie and her family.

James father, Harold Potter, died directly by the hand of Lord Voldomort late in our 7th year.

It was held at the potter mansion, in a large cemetery on the property that contained all of his ancestors.

Flashback

James, Sirius, Remus, Peter and I all arrived at the gates of the Potter Mansion by portkey a day before the funeral.

I stood next to James holding his hand in mine and my luggage in my other hand.

We stood there for a minute until James finally spoke up.

" Dotty" he said. With a little 'poof' a tall old elf appeared. Her face was streaked with tears and she looked miserable, my heart went out to the poor creature.

'I feel so sorry for it' said a voice in my head.

When the elf saw James her eyes light up a slightly. She bowed to us.

"Master James I is so very happy to have you home" squeaked Dotty, James nodded his head.

"Lily take Sirius's hand' James said quietly as he took on of my hands. I turned around and saw that Sirius was connected to Remus who was connected to Peter.

"Quick Lils I don't like holding Remus hand it doesn't make me feel very manly" he said eyeing where his hand meet Remus. Remus rolled his eyes and I took Sirius's free hand.

I turned my attention back to James. I rested my head on his shoulder and smiled at him and I was truly touched by his efforts when he gave me a small smile back.

James took Dotty's hand and a second later we were standing in the entrance hall of the Potters Mansion. Soon after were had entered we were bombarded by house elves all wanting to take our coats and luggage.

A small, wide -eyed elf struggled her way through the mass amount of her fellow workers and came up to me. She bowed and when she looked up I could see that she, like Dotty, had a tear streaked face.

"Hello miss, my name is Missy and I is going to be taking care of anything you need while you are here, if there is anything Missy can do for you just call Missy and Missy will be there" she said.

"Thank you Missy, my names Lily and it a pleasure to meet you" I replied.

After greeting Mrs. Potter, many tears and hugs, a large dinner and more tears we all headed off to bed.

That night I could not get to sleep, I had always had problems with sleeping in beds that weren't mine and I didn't have James so it was even worse.

After a while I grew fed up and tossed my legs over the side of my bed.

"Missy" I whispered. I heard a little 'poof'. I turned my bed lamp on and I saw Missy standing right in front of me.

"What can I do for you Miss Lily?" she inquired. I stood up and put on a long white, silk gown and turned back to Missy.

"Missy can you please take me to James's room" I asked the small creature. She nodded her head and I followed her out of the room.

5 minutes later found us just outside of a handsome wooden door. It was much larger than all the other doors surrounding it.

"Is that all I can do for you miss Lily?" the elf said as I opened the door.

"No thank you Missy, you go have a good night sleep". I turned back to the door and entered the room. I was very dark but I could still make out a couple shapes. I saw a large bed in the middle of the room sitting in-between two wall windows that led out to a balcony.

I heard a ruffling sound, suddenly light filled the room and I saw that it was at least four times bigger than the room I had been in.

"Poss?" Said the groggy voice of James. I smiled at my nickname and turned to James. He was sitting up in his bed, shirtless and holding up his lit wand.

I walked over to his bed and crawled in.

"I couldn't get to sleep," I said. He nodded in understanding, put out his wand and I cuddled up to him. I felt so safe and warm in his arms.

"I love you," I said closing my eyes.

"I love you too," He said and we both fell asleep in each other's arms.

People all around me were crying madly. Not one eyes was dry. Currently I was being comforted by Remus as I cried into his shoulder.

James and Sirius were standing over by Mrs. Potter talking to many people who had wanted to offer their condolences. The funeral had been long sad and beautifully done.

Most of the time James had not let go of my hand or kept my directly in his sight.

I lifted my head off of Remus shoulder and saw Mrs. Potter coming this way. I Stood up from my seat and was immediately engulfed in a hug. Mrs. Potter and I stood there for a while hugging and crying, talking without words. What felt like hours later I pulled away when I felt a hand on the middle of my back. I turned around and saw James, I jumped into his arms.

Later on James, Sirius and several other men I did not recognize, carried the coffin into the woods and over to the Potter cemetery.

We watched the coffin being lowered into the ground and everyone threw flowers onto it.

The wizard who had performed the ceremony said a simple spell the coffin was covered by a mound of dirt and a gravestone saying:

_Harold Jacob Potter_

_Born 1902 _

_Died 1977_

_A loyal husband _

_A caring father _

_A brave man_

Mrs. Potter walked toward the grave with a large bunch of exotic, wild, colourful flowers. She placed them on the marble stone, said a quiet 'I love you' and walked away.

There was silence as tears poured.

**End of Flashback **

I sat next to Tanie holding her hand and crying as her mother went up to the stand and started to speak.

"Thank you all of you for coming, I'm sure Aaron would have appreciated it. The worst thing for a mother is to let go of her children, and I'm sure for those of you who have experienced it know what I mean, no mother wants to bury her children." She let out a little sob and continued. "Aaron was a great man, and I'm not just saying that because he was my son, he always had perfect grades, many friends, girls falling for him, he was supportive and understanding, he was funny and yet still a dedicated worker-"

There was a sudden scream and people stated to run around everywhere. I turned to see what people were running from and saw tones of death eaters. I momentarily froze and then pulled out my wand sent and alert to the Ministry and joined the fight.

I shot as many spells as I could; I was making my way into the middle of the scene.

In the middle of all the commotion I saw a tall figure that appeared to be the one in charge. I made my way towards. I shot a spell at them and sent them flying into the death eater in front of him. In the process his cloak came flying off and tangled it's self up in the other death eater.

'Awesome I got two birds with one stone' I smirked but my smirk soon vanished as the scene unravelled and I saw who I had just attacked. My heart stopped and more tears came streaming down my face.

I stood there for a while just staring into those familiar eyes, the messy hair, tanned skin and firm chest.

"James" I whispered. He turned away from me and disappeared into the fight. I mimicked his actions a short while after and continued firing spells where I could.


	8. James ?

I ran through the crowd of injured witches and wizards being tended to by healers. I couldn't see her anywhere, I was starting to panic and crazy ideas of what might of happened to her ran through my mid.

'She could have been captured, tortured or KILLED' my breathing was becoming heavy and I could feel my heart pounding so fast that any minute it would grow tired and stop.

I jumped up to see if I could spot her and to my great relief I saw the raven haired girl I was looking for having a deeply cut and bruised arm being healed by an old sour looking medi-witch.

I darted around everyone in my way and came up to her. The old medi-witch said one quick spell and the wound vanished, Tanie said a quick "Thanks" and rubbed her arm.

"Tanie" I shouted above the noise. She looked up when she heard her name being called and raced over and we embraced each other.

"Lily I thought you were a goner" she cried, "Are you alright?"

"No, not really" I said when she gave me a confused look I carried on explaining what had gone on between James and I earlier on. Tanie gasped when I finished.

"Oh Lily it was bound to happen soon. At least you got it over with and you'll know how to handle it in the future" she said in a reassuring voice. I nodded sadly. I looked to the side and saw Moody, Remus, Sirius, Alex and two other Aurors.

I took hold of Tanie and steered her in the direction of the 6 men. As they saw us approaching relieved expressions covered their faces. Sirius and Remus came over and engulfed us in tight hugs. When I was released I turned to address Moody.

"Sir James Potter was here I encountered him," I said with as little emotion as possible, though I could tell that everyone could see right through me.

"Well what did he do, what were his tactics?" growled Moody. All seven eyes were stuck on me.

"He did nothing sir he stood there looking at me, I am ashamed to admit that I did the same sir, and then he walked away" I felt my cheeks grow slightly pink.

Me, my team, Remus and his team stood in Mad-eye Moody's office all were wearing our Auror robes with our wands gripped tightly in our hands. Although you could not see it all of them were afraid of what awaited them.

"Alright" said Moody " We know the location of his home but it will most defiantly be impossible for anyone other than Evans and Lupin to get in if we are lucky" over the past few days we had all been working with Mad-eye on what we were going to do. It had been decided for now that they would just put the house under watch and wait for James to lead us to some form of a death eater hid out.

"If by chance we lose him we will have a quick chance to see weather Evans and Lupin can get in, snoop around and get out before he returns:" Moody continued.

"I want you all to get lots of good food in you and get a long sleep, were starting tomorrow. I expect to see you all in here at 5:00am. Now all of you out."

I walked out along side Remus who was looking extremely pale from the last full moon.

"Can you believe its finally happening" Remus muttered, I shook my head "at least we get to see the potter mansion again, I haven't been there in so long and no matter what he's done I'm gonna be happy to see James and how different he looks"

"He looks more handsome than ever," I said looking at the floor. When I looked up I saw Remus smiling sadly at me. I smiled back at him and we continued walking. As we neared the apparition station we were held back by someone calling out to me.

"Lily, Lily hey can I talk to you" called Alex Ringer. I turned quickly back to Remus.

"I'll wait over here" he said. I walked over to Alex and plastered the best fake smile I could muster on.

"Hey Alex what can I do for you" I really wasn't in the mood to talk to him but I didn't want to seem rude.

"Well you see I was wondering whether you wanted to go out with me some time" he said in a confident and cocky tone that made me want to ring his neck.

I hated it when guys thought that they could get any girl they wanted but I calmed down and remembered what my mother always said to me when meeting new people "Don't judge a book by its cove". I had judged James and Sirius too quickly and they ended up as my boyfriend and the brother I never had.

"I'm sorry Alex I can't at the moment not with this assignments I don't want any distractions" I said covering up for what I really meant as "Sorry I'm still in love with my old boyfriend I'll call you when I get over him"

"Oh come on it doesn't even have to count as a date we could just go out to lunch as friends" he suggested.

"I don't know-" I started but was cut off.

"Please just go out with me once and if you don't think it will work you can back away" he said pleadingly. I sighed heavily.

'What better way to get over James than to go on a date with another guy' I thought.

"Alright" I said I pulled out a small piece of parchment and a long black quill, "Here's my address floo me and we can set up a time and place" I scribbled on the parchment and handed it to him. He smiled widely and took the paper.

"You won't regret this I promise you Lily, see you tomorrow" He picked up my hand, kissed it and walked away.

I sighed again and walked over to Remus who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, his eyebrows raised and a smirk on his face.

"Sirius is going to be very angry" he said cockily. I groaned and we continued walking.


	9. The dream

I woke up the next morning after having a horrible nightmare. It had taken place at the funeral, just like before, but this time instead of walking away from me James came and stood in front of me. His wand was raised and there was a dark look on his face. My heart was pounding a thousand miles per second, I tried to raise my own wand but found that I was frozen. Panicked I looked back up at James, he was even closer now.

"James please don't do this" I pleaded

He laughed not the same fun and warm laugh I remember but instead cold and empty. "Crucio"

I screamed the pain was incredible, like millions of daggers slowly peeling at my skin.

After a couple more doses of the cures and pleadings for him to stop, I had woken sweating yet cold as I found that I had pushed all of my blankets of the bed.

I looked at my bedside clock. It was 4:00am time to get up and get ready.

I after a hot shower, some bacon and three cups of strong coffee I was ready to leave. Ducking quickly into Tanie's room to say goodbye and I was off.

It was now quarter to five and I was sitting at my desk re-reading any information that Moody had given me to make sure I had missed nothing.

Most of the information I had already known from when I had been dating James, nothing had seemed very new but it didn't hurt to be careful.

Clunk. Clunk. Clunk.

I looked up and saw Moody waddling his way over to his office. Without even stopping I saw his "crazy" eye look at me.

"Evans my office, now" He barked.

I put down the work and hastily followed Moody.

Remus and Alex were already in there when we arrived. I looked at the two of them, Remus had no emotion written on his face but I could tell that he was just as nervous as I was and Alex he looked as though Christmas had come early.

"Good morning Remus" I said giving him a kiss on the check.

"Morning Lils" He replied.

"Morning Lily How are you" Alex asked now standing very close, too close.

"Good morning Alex I'm rather well and yourself? You seem to be excited about today's mission" I said politely.

"Yes I am, can't wait to bag this Potter guy. Rubbish like him shouldn't be walking on our streets"

I could feel Remus stiffen beside me. I smiled politely back at Alex and waited for the rest of our team to arrive.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Now here is you apparation point, when you arrive there red team will move immediately to here where you Evans will set up a concealing charm and blue team you will spread out to here where Lupin will set up your own concealing charm. Now at this point neither team will be able to see the other but that's alright because we have given you a two way mirror that will let you contact each other if there is any sight of Potter. This week we will not be doing anything drastic, merely checking out the scenery and taking note of his movements. When he leaves and when he arrives back. Once he has you will return to the apparation spot and report everything to me. Is that clear"

We all nodded our heads.

"And remember CONSTANT VIGILENCE"

'He might be a bit loony but he sure knows his stuff' I thought

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I was the first person to apparated there, map in my hand and ready for action. I stepped into the machine and immediately found myself in a familiar forest. I wasted no time and began to run to where Moody had directed. As I did I could see the Mansion begin to appear. I ducked down behind a thick set of shrubs and bushes. Eddie was the next person I saw, then Frank, Alice, Millie, Tyson and finally Alex. As soon as everyone had been covered by the bushes I pulled my wand out and cast a few spells to hide us.

James had always been an early riser so I wouldn't be surprised if he was up at this time in the morning.

I looked up to a set of the higher windows in the mansion. They were the biggest and I could clearly remember that room as Harold's study. We were too far down to see if there was any movement inside the house but only a couple hours later we heard a little pop and two figures appeared at the large black gates.

It was him. It was James, my heart stopped momentarily. He mumbled something to the little elf beside him and it disappeared.

"Lily" I heard a soft whisper and looked down to the little two way mirror I held in my hand. It was Remus.

"We will trail him, you stay there" he said

I nodded my head and gave him a small smile. He smiled lightly back and then was gone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was 12pm and I was only just arriving back home. James hadn't returned until at least 11pm and after that we had to report back to Moody who instead of asking us for any information asked us each to give him our memory of the event.

Remus trail had been a dead end; James had walked for about ten minutes before apparating away.

I kicked off my shoes and jacket, too tired to even change clothes I dropped down on my bed and waited for sleep to come.

The dream came again that night and again I woke up in a bath of my own sweat.


	10. The wooden Lily

"Oh, Lily dear come in." Mrs Potter ushered me inside the small cottage. She had not wanted to live in such a large house after first losing her husband and then her son, despite our protests she knew that she would not have enough company to keep her sane in such a large house. House elves could only do so much.

She brought me in for a quick hug and then released me guiding me into petite kitchen.

"Would you live a spot of tea love" She asked.

"Yes thank you that would be lovely" I said as I hung my black leather jacket on the hooks on the door.

"You look dreadful dear, are they working you too hard at the ministry, because if Alastair his giving you a hard time you just tell me and I will sort him out." She said grabbing my face in her hands and looking me dead in the eye trying to determine whether I would lie or not. I could tell that she was serious about 'sorting them out', she may be small but everyone knew not to mess with her, even Dumbledore and Moody. Apparently my visit had triggered her 'mother hen' mode.

"No Annie, there not over working me. I just haven't been sleeping very well lately; I've been having these really bad nightmares." I said folding my arms over on the table and then laying my head onto of them.

Annie resumed making the tea. "Go on" she said. I was glad I still had Annie to talk to, after my own parents it had been hard for me to open up to many people including James and Tanie, but Mrs Potter wouldn't have any of that. She stayed by me, listed to me and helped to nurse me out of my depressed state. We had been really close ever since so I found it easy to talk to her.

"Well it's the same thing every night. I'm at Aaron's funeral only this time it's at night and everything's dark and then all of a sudden James appears." Annie turns around with the tea set on a floral print tray and sets it on the table. I pull my china cup off the tray and add one cube of sugar and a small amount of milk. I take a minute to have a few sips before I continue.

"He's pointing his wand at me and saying all these unforgivable curses and I know it's only a dream but it feels so real. The pain feels so real." I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I let all of my built up emotions bottle out.

Annie grabs my hand from across the table and squeezes it hard.

"You feel this" She says, nodding to our joint hands. I nod my head. "This is reality, this is now. You need to stop dwelling on the past and trying to predict your own future and just let it all flow out naturally. Live in the moment. What happened in your dream is only going to happen in reality if you let it, if you let James overpower you. Anyway despite who he is now, I doubt he would have the heart to do something like that to you, he loved you way too much." She said.

I smiled a watery smile at her, "He loved you so much as well Annie. But I don't know if that's true. People change all the time and their feeling towards others change as well. I don't know that our love would have lasted this long."

Annie stared at me for a moment.

"Follow me there is something I want to show you" she stood up and led me into her bed room. I sat down cross legged on the neatly made four poster bed and watched as she walked over to a small, intricate jewellery box. She shuffled things around a bit before coming to sit next to me with a small wooden carved box in the shape of a lily.

"He asked me to keep this safe for him until the time was right, though he never got the chance. I know everyone says that there is no turning back for him, that he's too far in this mess to make it back out in one piece, but I know in my heart that that isn't true. I know that my James would never stop loving those around him and I need you to realise that too Lily. I need you to realise that there is a chance for him too." She handed me the little box. I had a vague idea of what might be in here and if indeed I was correct I wasn't sure I wanted to open it.

I wasn't much just a simple sliver ring with three diamond attached to it. I couldn't look at it. It had taken me so long to get over the idea of James and I being apart, being over that I couldn't stand to look at it. To look at this glimmer of hope made me feel sick and it made me feel even worse knowing that half of me wanted to act on it.

'NO' I couldn't think like that, I had a mission to complete and I COULDN'T let emotions like these get the better of me. I slammed the lid shut and handed it back to Mrs Potter. She sighed sadly and delicately put the box into the pocket of her dark blue jeans.

"I'm sorry Annie but as far as I'm concerned there is absolutely no hope for James Potter."

"I understand" She said and we headed back into the kitchen.

I didn't stay long after that. I finished my tea and made the excuse of having to go shopping with Tanie.

As I went to put my cup in the dishwasher I saw Annie out of the corner of my eye retrieve my bag and jacket from off the door. She looked fondly at the jacket and whispered, "Maybe there is hope yet." I knew what she was talking about. That was one of James Jackets, his favourite one and I had never had the chance to return it to him. I had thought about burning it, but If you could see it you would know why I didn't (It was his favourite jacket for a reason).

As soon as I arrived home I was thrilled to find it empty, I threw my bag and jacket onto the kitchen table and stripped down for a nice hot bubble bath.

It felt good to just soak up the water and the bubbles, I felt relaxed and without a care in the world until I heard the front door slam.

"Lily I'm home, where are you, I have great news" Tanie called out.

I groaned. "I'm in the bathroom" I called back.

Only seconds later the bathroom door slammed open and an excited Tanie walked in and sat down next to me on the floor just next to the bath tub.

"Well" I said.

She smiled. "Well me and Sirius Finally found the place we want to move into"

"What. Oh my god Tanie congratulations. Have you guys been to check it out yet?" I asked.

"Yeah we went today and its absolutely perfect. I was hoping that you would come and help me start decorating the next day you have off. Though I completely understand if you are going to be too tired from the missions." She said.

"No Tanie of course I'll help, you know how much I love decorating" I said jumping up out of the bath, wrapping a towel around myself and giving her a great big hug.

"Thanks Lils, it means a lot, now common I need help with dinner. Go get dressed" She commanded.

"Yes Madam" I said giving her a salute. She laughed.

I changed into a pair of Pyjamas and put the closest thing I could find to a jacket, which turned out to be one of my work robes on.

Just as I was walking out of my room Tanie called out to me, "Hey Lilys can you set the dinner table please, dinner won't be too long now."

"Yeah sure" I called back. As I walked towards the table I notice that when I had thrown my bag down on the table half of the contents had fallen out. I began grouping the together and throwing the back in when something caught my eye.

It was the little wooden lily box with the ring from James in it. Annie must have slipped it in my bag when she went to get it.

The sound of the door slamming for a second time that night gave me a fright I hadn't been expecting it. Quickly I pocketed the jewellery box in my robe and turned around to greet none other than Sirius carrying a large cardboard box.

"Don't you have your own home Black" I said trying to cover up my nerves.

"Nup sold it today, I am officially temporarily moving in with you." He said smiling like a mad man.

"Ahh, Tanie make it go away" I called out walking back into my room.

"I' sorry I must have miss heard you, did you just call me an it?" He called out to my retreating back.


	11. Future plans and past memories

The rest of the week had been much the same. I would wake up at 4:00am after having that awful dream, have a quick shower, eat some breakfast and drink as much coffee as I could to keep me awake and alert, say goodbye to Tanie (and sometimes Sirius if he had stayed the night) and leave for work.

This week however was going to be different. Much different.

For a starter I had my first date with Alex, much to Sirius dismay. We were going to go out for lunch on our day off, after all I didn't want to rush things by going straight to dinner, which would lead to him dropping me off at my door, which would lead to a kiss and if I decided that I didn't want a relationship with him ...he would know where I live.

And secondly. This week would be the week where the limits to our investigation would be tested. Like always Remus and his team would tail James until he reached the point where he would apparate away. He would then signal me using the two way mirror giving me the thumbs up to see if I could, after all these years gain entry into the Potter Mansion.

I was very nervous.

Things however were not only getting complicated for me. For some time now Tanie had been openly discussing her feelings towards Sirius with me and how she wanted to take the relationship to the next level, Living together, but she wasn't sure how to go about telling him. He was after all Sirius Black, Marauder and womaniser.

And after a long hard talk she decided that she was going to invite him over for dinner and talk it out with him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Tanie's Point of View _

_  
_"Oh Tanie quit fussing you look absolutely beautiful and if Sirius doesn't have a heart attack when he sees you then maybe he's just not worth it. "Lily said fixing up my make-up.

I huffed. There were butterflies zooming around in my stomach. I had never been this nerves before, especially around Sirius.

"I know Lils but this is a pretty big step. What if I scare him away?"

"You've kept hold of him this long haven't you? Plus its Sirius you can't scare that man away, trust me I tried to at Hogwarts, no luck" She said. I laughed shakily.

"There I'm done" Lily said and stepped back to admire her handy-work. Smiling in approval she said "Now get your butt out there and check on dinner. I'm going over to Remus tonight so you'll have to house to yourself. Floo if you need anything" She yelled out from her room.

30 minutes later dinner was out of the oven and on the dining room table, I retrieved a bottle of our best wine and desert was in the oven, now all I needed was the man.

As if on cue I heard the doorbell ring. My heart all but stopped. Taking a deep breath as I walked towards the door I scolded myself 'Pull yourself together Tanie this is dinner with Sirius not your first date'

After checking my reflection in the mirror and being satisfied with what I say I put my hand on the handle was Sirius.

As soon as I saw him standing there with a large bouquet of flowers and a wide grin on his face the butterflies seemed to settle.

"You look beautiful" He said, eyes travelling up and down my body. Blushing slightly I smiled back and took the flowers out his hand putting them on the side board.

Without warning I was pushed against the wall, Sirius warm lips capturing my own in a passionate kiss. I moaned into his mouth as his hand slid up my thigh and under the soft red material of my dress.

"I just spent an hour and a half on dinner and I refuse to let that go to waste" I said once he had removed his lips from mine, moving down my neck to my collar bone. He chuckled lightly. Grabbing my hand in his he led the way into the dining room and being the perfect gentleman he was pulled out my chair doing a dramatic bow and then found his own seat.

After we had finished dinner we moved into the lounge room snuggling up on the white coach. I could feel my nerves start up again and seeming to sense this Sirius asked "Are you alright babe? You seem a little distracted"

"Yeah-"I started but then thought again. If I was going to get this out it had to be now. "- well no. Not really. I have something that I want to talk to you about but I'm not really sure to go about it" I said sighing.

Sirius just nodded his head and continued to rub his hand up and down my arms in a way that helped me to relax a little.

"Well, I don't know about you but I have been thinking about our relationship for a while now and I was sorta thinking that... well maybe....maybe we are ready to go to the next level. I mean,-" I rush, turning around in his arms to face him "- I totally understand if you don't want to, but then again if you do then that's grea-" Sirius cut me off.

"Tanie, just spit out whatever you're trying to say." He said reassuringly. I took a deep breath and slowly said "I want us to live together"

For a moment there I thought I was going to die until I looked up and saw that his face had spread into a massive grin.

"Well, what do you think" I asked timidly

"I think that I love you and I can't think of anything else that I would rather do" My face, just like his, spread into a wide grin. I leapt onto of him, and kissed him so passionately that I thought I had just spilled my whole heart, body, mind and soul into it. He didn't miss a beat and responded with equal amounts of passion, his hand resuming its place crawling up my thigh his other on my lower back pulling me as close as humanly possible, whilst one of my hands was latched to his soft hair and the other underneath his shirt appreciating his finely toned body.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mean while Lily and Remus where in the midst of a game of wizard chess, which was proving to be difficult seeing as the both of them were the best of all the Marauders and friends, put together.

"Would you like another butter-beer Lils" Remus said standing up and disappearing into the kitchen.

"Yeah, I'd love one thanks Remus" I shouted back. I looked back down at the chess board considering how to make my best move.

Remus walked back in holding two warm cups of butterbeer handing one to me.

"If you don't mind me asking Lils, how are you feeling about going back to the Potters mansion?" he said quietly.

I took a sip of the warm substance and enjoyed the feeling that washed over me as it travelled down my throat. I looked back up at Remus, not really sure how to answer.

"I'm not really sure. I suppose I'm curious to see whether anything has changed and if I will be able to get in let alone convince Charles to let me look around and not tell James. I'm scared that I might not even be able to get in or if I do and something goes wrong I might have to confront him. And in a way I suppose I'm excited, I haven't been in that house in years and I miss all the good times we used to have there."

XXXX FLASHBACK XXXX

I sat in my room at the Potter mansion reading a copy of "The Notebook" that I had found in the study, which was my favourite room because of all the books.

..

I looked up from the book and only seconds later the three figures of Peter, Remus and Sirius ran past my room the fourth figure of James run in, slightly breathless, a happy and mischievous look on his face.

"What have you four done now" I laughed. He shrugged.

"Hide me?" He said making me laugh again. I lead him over towards my walk in closet, closed the doors and returned to my bed resuming my reading just as an angry and flustered looking Mrs. Potter appeared at the door. Her face softened a little when she saw me.

"Lily dear you haven't by chance seen any of those boys have you" She huffed. I shook my head.

"No sorry I haven't, but I heard the explosion what happened?" I asked.

"They blew up the whole kitchen, including the roast for dinner" Lily had to stifle a giggle as Mrs. Potter left the room in search of the culprits.

Shaking my head fondly at their antics I opened her closet, only to find James snooping around my underwear draw and pulling out a rather small and rather translucent black night gown. James turned and saw me standing at the door looking outraged as well as extremely embarrassed. I lunged for the piece of clothing but James raised it above his head using his height against me.

"Now why don't you ever wear things like this for me Poss?" He asked with a cocky smirk on his face.

"James give it to me. Right now you don't really deserve to see anything" I said hiding my embarrassment with anger and annoyment.

"Aww come on Poss, put the pretty dress on for me" he said pulling me close and raping his arm around my waist whilst still managing to keep the garment out of my reach.

"No James, now give it here" I said attempting to stand on his shoes to gain some height. No luck.

James lowered his head to my neck, placing little butterfly kisses all the way down to my collar bone and to the top of my cleavage. My breath caught in my throat and I completely forgot about the dress.

Without me even noticing James tucked it safely into his pant pocket, picked me up and carried me over to the bed. His lips found their way to mine and I couldn't get enough of him soon enough. Running my hands down his muscled arms and up and down his chest I tugged at his shirt, indicating to him that I wanted it gone. He obliged immediately, removing it in one swift motion. Again I ran my hands up and down his chiselled chest and sucked in a hiss and then let out a deep moan as I felt him massage my breast through my shirt.

He raised the thin material above my head groaning when it revealed a very pretty black lace bra with pink ribbon and was just about to discard said item when Sirius came bursting through the door. Upon seeing our current position he stopped dead in his tracks and a cheeky grin appeared.

"Well Evans I was going to ask if you had seen Prongs but it appears that you have not only seen him but –"

"Was there something you wanted Padfoot?" James cut him off clearly irritated that we had been interrupted.

"Well as much as I would love to let you to love birds continue, Annie is headed back this way and I don't think she would take to well to this sort of socializing on top of the little explosion" he said.

"Damn it" James swore grabbing his shirt of the floor and passing me mine. He jumped of the bed and headed for the door before turning around pulling my night gown out he said,

"Thanks for this Poss, ill treasure it and don't worry one day I'll see you in it" He winked at me and was the gone.

"JAMES HAROLD POTTER YOU GET BACK HERE" I shouted and ran out the door almost bumping into a Mrs. Potter. We looked at each other and smiled evilly. Those boys were in soooo much trouble.


	12. The BIG day

I was panicking, having a nervous breakdown, hyperventilating. You name it and I was doing it. It was the big day, well obviously not THE big day but it still seemed pretty big to me. Today I was having my lunch with Alex, my first real date in four years ever since James.

I had spent hours the previous night coordinating the perfect outfit with Tanie. I never realised how much stuff I owned or how difficult it was to piece together a simple outfit. Finally we had decided to go with something that was casual and fun. I would be wearing a pair of faded blue skinny jeans, with a white singlet shirt that accentuated by breasts perfectly (seeing as it was summer) and a pair of chocolate brown flat boots (I wasn't blessed with the ability to walk in heals like many other girls were).

Anyway back to my current situation. I was scared; I don't remember how to do this sort of thing and even if I did, first dates weren't my forte. I could clearly remember my first date with James going horribly wrong. James and I had been pressured into going to Madam Puddifoot's cafe by Sirius and Tanie which had been incredibly embarrassing and mentally scaring.

After that we had decided to go for a walk and we were about five minutes out of town when it started to pour down on us. We ran for the Three Broomsticks only to have them shut the door on us saying 'No underage wizards here today do you hear me, shove off'. We ended up walking back to Hogwarts and heading straight for the nice warm fire and dry clothes in the Gryffindor common room.

It had taken Tanie ten minutes to push me out the door and I had purposely take the long route to the cafe which still wasn't very far seeing as it was only two blocks away. I was silently wishing that Sirius had been there to stop me, not that Alex was that bad or anything.

Coming around the corner that led to the cafe I could clearly see Alex sitting in one of the outside tables wearing a pair of dark jeans and a black shirt.

He grinned when he saw.

"Your finally here, I thought you were going to stand me up or something" I laughed hoping that my nervousness hadn't come through.

"No sorry just slept in" I muttered taking a seat. He laughed.

For a while we kept up the small talk until after we ordered, where we started to get more into it and by the time we had finished our meals I was beginning to feel more comfortable around him. I was laughing more too.

After paying (which Alex had insisted on doing) when began to head in the direction of a near buy park playing a game of 20 questions.

"Why did you get transferred from America?" I asked. He kept looking ahead.

"I suppose I just wanted a change of scenery really. Plus my boss is a real tosser." He said. I chuckled.

"Why did you choose to become an Auror?" He asked.

"It was after my parents died that I decided I wanted to do something that could help people and possibly change our future for the better. Get rid of people like Lord Voldemort" I noticed that Alex didn't stiffen like most people would "Originally I thought I would apply for a teaching job at Hogwarts. I was the best person at Charms in my whole year you know" I said proudly.

"Really" He smiled broadly "Well done. What else where you good at?" he asked.

"Well I was pretty good at Potions as well but my worst subject was defiantly Transfiguration, my Professor told me that if I didn't get a tutor she was going to have to fail me." I shuddered at the memory. Then thought again about how she had assigned me James, he was the best after all. That was how I had really begun to get to know him.

"Yeah? Not many people can say that about potions. I have heard a lot of stories about exploding cauldrons" We took a seat at the edge of the pond watching the ducks swim buy.

"You want to feed them?" Alex asked out of the blue. I took me a minute to discover that he was talking about the birds.

"We don't have any bread" I said watching as he pulled out his wand and without even checking to see if anyone was watching conjured up a whole loaf of bread. I laughed loudly taking a piece off the loaf and throwing it in the direction of the ducks.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Walking in the door almost three hours later I bumped into a pacing Sirius.

"Sirius what are you doing" He stared at me blankly before an angry expression crept its way onto his face.

"Do you have any idea how worried we have been, you've been gone for ages? I thought he might have kidnapped you or WORSE killed you" he rambled for a while on about how he didn't trust Alex before I finally intercepted when he said

"- at least tell me you're being safe"

"Wow, Sirius stop there. My sex life has nothing to do with you so you need to back off a little" I said taking a seat in the lounge room and putting my feet up.

"No," he said clearly shocked that I had said that "What I mean is do you have your wand on you or at least one of those little folding knives like they have in the movies"

"Where's Tanie" I said trying to change the subject.

"She's in the kitchen with Remus, he wanted to talk to you by the way" he said sighing.

I rolled my eyes and lead the way into the kitchen were, just like Sirius had said Tanie and Remus sat tea in their hands talking quietly. The both looked up when we entered.

"Lily your alive, how was it" Remus asked laughing, clearly having heard Sirius lecture.

"Hello Remus. I was very good thank you, I had a lot of fun" I said smiling and taking a seat. "Sirius mentioned that you had something you wanted to tell me"

"Yes, Moody's decided to push things forward a little bit so we are starting tomorrow He said to say that he wants you really well rested and as prepared as you ever will be" I nodded silently taking a seat next to Tanie.


	13. I love you

As soon as Remus had told me the news I decided it was best for me to get a good night sleep, so grabbing a quick dinner I retired to bed letting sleep take me in.

I was thankful that I did not have any nightmares that night and I woke up feeling rather refreshed. I continued my usual routine of showering, having breakfast and about one hundred cups of coffee to keep me alert and then headed into the office for the big day ahead.

Moody wasted no time that morning with greetings or well wishes, it was all facts and quizzes to make sure we knew what was going on and then it was straight to the apparation room.

Again I was the first to apparate crawling to our hide-away and waiting for the rest of my team so I could set up the concealment charms.

And again we waited patiently for James to appear. Once I had the "all clear" from Remus I was ready to go.

I stood up and cautiously made my way over to the looming gates. I took a deep breath, 'Here goes nothing' I thought nervously.

"Missy" I called out. I waited for a while, doubt starting to take over me, I held my breath and then I heard the familiar 'pop' of an apparating house. I looked down and there she was, four years hadn't done a thing to her and despite her being a house elf I felt a little jealous of that fact.

"Miss Lily, I haven't seen you in a long long time. Me is very happy to see you" her beam was so big I thought it was going to split her head in two. I found myself unable to resist the urge to smile back.

"Hello Missy, I've missed you too. Can you please take me in" I asked trying to keep myself sounding confident and convincing. The little elf nodded and apparated us into the hall way.

Just like before I was surrounded by elves all trying to take my jacket and ask if I wanted anything. Missy shoed them away and proceeded to hang up my jacket and lead me into the main circular hall room.

'Here is the real test. Charles' Again I found myself holding my breath.

"Madam Lily this is a most pleasant surprise, what brings you here after so many years." Charles familiar booming voice questioned.

"Hello Charles, well it has been many years and I was very much missing all of you as are Annie, Sirius and Remus. I hope you don't mind but I thought I'd pay you a visit." I said, we had gone over excuses many times in Moody's office.

"Dear Annie how is she, it has been very different around here without you all, Master James is often out a lot"He said and I swear I could hear a sense of sadness in his voice.

"Annie is very well, she finds it hard sometimes thinking of James but she still has the rest of us."

"Yes of course, I imagine it would be. Now on a happier note, Master James is not present at the current time but you are still more than welcome to stay, is there anywhere I can take you" Charles said his voice once again jolly.

"Yes thank you Charles I think I'll just wait in Harold's study" I replied, stepping onto the staircase.

"As you wish" and the stair case started to ascend.

I wasn't surprised to see that nothing had changed. I remember that James had refused to even enter the study after Harold's death, for fear of messing it up and loosing the memory of him father. I could see down to the front gate and parts of the forest as I entered the study and as I walked around to take a seat at Harold's mahogany table a small framed photograph that made her heart skip a beat and stop in her tracks.

It was a photo of Sirius, Remus, Tanie, James and I. I can remember it was taken just before of NEWT exams. I can also remember that that was the day James had told me that he loved me.

_I was sitting in the library going over any and all of my transfiguration notes for the upcoming exams when I heard a large slamming noise. I let out a little scream and jumped in my seat. Looking up I saw James looking down at me with a mischievous smirk on his face. He took a seat opposite me._

"_You alright there Poss, you look a little on edge" He said. I glared at him which only made him laugh._

"_James the exams are coming up and I really do have to study. If it was any other subject you know I would love to hang around with you and the guys, but this is transfiguration. You know how bad I am at it." I said sighing, trying to convince myself more than him._

"_Yeah I know I figured if I could pull you into a cupboard and have my wicked way with you I'd come and give you a hand. I am the best in our year at transfiguration after all" He said jokingly puffing out his chest. I rolled my eyes._

"_Fine but if you are going to stay you have to either help me or be quiet" I said in the sternest voice I could, but I knew he could see right through it. He could always see right through me._

"_Deal" he said getting out his books, "Now what are you up to?" _

_We spent a good hour and a half in the library before James started complaining about being hungry and I wasn't about to disagree. I packed up my bags, but before I could take hold of my remaining books James hand snatched from under me and took my hand in his free one. _

_I smiled up at him and we began to walk down to the great hall._

_I was feeling sort of self conscious as we walked through the corridors, I still hadn't quite gotten used to all of the staring and the whispers even after the eight months we had been together. And as we drew close to a group of 6__th__ year Ravenclaws, I felt disgusted in myself for the sudden urge to pull away from James. _

_When the girls began pointing, whispering and glaring at me I let my hand slacken in James and sensing my fears and uncomfortable nature James let go of my hand and instead placed it over my shoulders, pulling as close as possible._

_He leaned his head down and whispered in my ear, "Ignore them, it's just you and me together in our own little world. What they think doesn't matter, only our opinions matter and I know that I love you" _

_I stopped dead in my tracks, my heartbeat was racing and breathing became difficult._

"_W-what did…did you just say?" I stuttered nervously. I must have miss heard him. James turned around looking the most vulnerable I had ever seen him._

"_I said that I love you" he said with no emotion on his face. I stared at him for a couple minutes waiting for someone to jump out and yell 'April fools' and when no-one did I could feel a massive grin spreading on my face. I quickly covered the few metres separating us and jumped up on him, wrapping my legs around his waist and covering his mouth with mine._

_I couldn't hold in the emotions I was feeling, they were pouring out of me and straight into James as I felt him smiling against me and responding to me._

_As we pulled away from the kiss, both needing to breath, I knew that I was ready to say it back; I knew that I was devoted to him. I took a deep breath and held onto him tighter._

"_James, I love you too." I said and was surprised to hear the stability and confidence in my voice._

_His grin spread wider and wider and he began to spin us around on the spot, pulling my face back to his._

_I had completely forgotten about other people coming through the corridors until we heard a loud wolf whistle._

"_GO PRONGS" we heard Sirius shout. _

I smiled fondly at the memory and composed myself again scanning my surroundings. Something on Harold's desk caught my eye.

It was so unusual to see them lying around in most houses these days but , but it stood out greatly in a magical society, after all there was no need for them.

It was a mobile phone. I went to pick it up.

BRING BRING. BRING BRING. BRING BRING.

I jumped back in surprise and picked the phone up.

_**Incoming call from James Potter.**_


	14. I just dont know how to do this

'WTF' I thought 'This has got to be a joke. James has never had a mobile, he freaked out when I showed him the one my parents had gotten me for Christmas. He started complaining about how anti-social they were, which reminded me of what my dad had said.'

Cautiously I picked up the phone and pressed the answer button, hopefully he would start talking thinking that it was someone else on the other line and give away some valuable information.

I put the phone to my ear and heard a laughing sound on the other end. I stopped moving. Stopped breathing. Stopped making any sounds or movements at all.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you it's rude to break into other people's houses, Poss?" I dropped the phone. How had he known it was me? This had to be some kind of trap; I needed to get out of here and fast. I bolted for the door only to have it slam in my face.

"CHARLES" I screamed, "Open the door"

"I'm sorry Madam Lily but I am under orders to not let you leave this house until the master returns." His voice was firm and I could tell it would be no use to yell, kick and scream. I was stuck.

Somehow he must have found out that we were coming and set up this trap, we obviously weren't as good and prepared as we had though. Thinking of the others I pulled out the small two-way mirror out of my pocket and shook it.

Remus face appeared, worry written all over it. I wasn't supposed to contact him for another hour.

"Lily what is it, what's wrong?" He rushed. I shook my head; I didn't have time for explanations my whole team was at risk.

"Remus, I need you to get everyone back to base. James knew I was coming and set a trap," Remus started to say something but I cut him off. "No Remus I know what you are going to say but you need to leave me here, go and get reinforcements, create a new plan and then come to get me out of here. We can keep in touch through the mirrors."

He sighed, I could tell he didn't like this; he doesn't like leaving people behind.

"Ok" He said "But be safe, I'll check back in with you in an hour"

"Make it two" I said.

He hesitated but nodded and disappeared.

I put the mirror back into my pocket and as I was looking around the phone I had dropped to the floor caught my eye. It was still on.

I picked it up and put it to my ear again.

"What do you want James, you're not letting me go for a reason. Are you going to turn me into you're little master?" My voice was firm and I sounded much angrier that I actually was.

"No" He said simply.

"Well then what" I said.

"You'll just have to wait and see Poss, wouldn't want me to spoil the surprise now would you" He replied.

"Don't you dare call me that. You lost the right to call me that a long time ago" My voice was low and quiet when I said this but I know he heard it. I waited for a reply but I never got one.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I looked at the phone.

_**Call ended. **_

I sighed. This was going to be interesting.

I sat down in one of the plush chairs that were facing both the large window and the door, ready for anything with my wand in hand. I tried to keep my mind focused and on the job but every now and then I would find my mind wandering through thoughts of him. Like his voice, it sounded much deeper than before, much more serious and dangerous, it didn't have the same fun and carefree tone as before. I remembered back to when I had seen him at Aaron's funeral, the long black cloak he had been wearing had hidden his body from my eyes but I could tell that he was bigger, taller and his muscles had grown.

I mulled over these thoughts for a good four and a half hours, only pausing to contact Remus and my team, when suddenly I saw something moving outside the window.

It was a person. He was finally back, my waiting was over and whatever he had planned for me would soon come. My team was too late, I was a goner.

I watched as he approached the gates and a second much smaller figure appeared by his side. I turned my attention to the large door and held my wand at the ready. After a couple minutes I head a set of echoing footsteps coming closer.

This was it, I braced myself and BAM. The doors swung open and there he was.

"Professor Dumbledore. What are you doing here?" I was bewildered this was all too much to take in. Was he my rescue team?

"Lily my dear how splendid to see you here. How have you been? I trust that James is on his way." The old man smiled at me, took a seat opposite to where I had been, lifted his wand and conjured out a bottle of brand from the draw in Harold's desk.

"Would you care for a glass?" he said pouring himself a generous amount. I shook my head unable to form any words.

"Professor what's go-"

"I promise all will be explained to you soon, you have nothing to fear. Now take a seat and relax. Ah there he is, just on time" Dumbledore said looking from the new figure just disappearing at the gate to his pocket watch.

This had to be some god awful dream. I knew Dumbledore was off his rocker but here he was sitting down calmly in the house of the right hand man to the most dangerous man on the planet.

'Deep breaths Lily, deeeep breaths.'

The doors were still open from when Dumbledore had entered and I could see him walking towards us. Again I raised my wand in self defence.

"Put that thing down before you hurt yourself Poss" He said not even looking at me as he walked behind his father's desk.

"I told you not to call me that" I said.

He put whatever he had been holding down and walked right up to me, completely ignoring the fact that I still had my wand pointed at him. He grabbed my wand and chucked it over to the happily smiling Professor, grabbed both of my shoulders and pushed me down into the plush chair.

"I didn't listen" He replied and poured himself a glass of brandy.

"Careful James, she doesn't understand what's going on and violence isn't going to make this process any easier." Dumbledore said staring at James over the top of his glasses.

James sighed.

"Albus I have pictured this happening so many different ways that I just don't know how to do this."

"Do what?" I asked in a sharp tone.

James and Albus both looked at me but I kept my eyes on James. It felt strange to be looking at him so closely, to be sitting casually in the same room as him.

I let my mask fall for a minute as I took the chance to look at him properly but I shut myself back up as soon as I caught a glimpse of his eyes. They were cold and guarded, letting no emotions in or out. I guess that's what happens to you when you turn to the dark side; you lose all feelings of compassion and of knowing love. I think James too sensed my discomfort but despite this fact his eyes stayed glued to me, like a true hunter. I glanced at the shape that my wand was making through the material of the professors robes.

"Would you like me to start off James?" Dumbledore asked. He nodded. "Perhaps though before I start we should return Miss Evans her wand, it may easy her distress."

When I looked up again, James eyes were still on me, staring at me as though trying to read what I was thinking. After a while he nodded and motioned for Albus to reunite me with my wand.

"If you try anything though, we will take it straight back off you" he said. I nodded and reached to grab my wand out of Dumbledore's hands. I felt that tiniest bit relieved and tucked it into my robe pocket, I noticed that the ring was still in there too.

I wondered about what Annie had said, was there hope for him.

"Now Lily I would like for you to think back to your last couple weeks at Hogwarts."


	15. Goodbey

_James POV._

_I sat in front of the blazing fire in the heads common room. Lily would be back from dinner any moment now and I didn't want her to get worried about me not appearing to dinner and about my distant state so I retreated back to my own room and cast a locking spell on it._

_How could Dumbledore ask me to do something like that, it was outrages. He was asking me to leave the love of my life, the woman I have chased for so many years, my shaken mother right after the death of my father, my best friends who had been there for me through everything, my career having recently being accepted into the Auror training academy. My life in general and what for, to join ranks with the death eaters. _

_I understand where Dumbledore is coming from, it would be excellent to have a spy in the enemy camp and it would not be hard for me to join, what with me being a 'pureblood'. It would also mean that I could properly protect Lily. I wouldn't get to be with her but at least I would know she will be safe. _

_I can hear the portrait door open and light footsteps coming up the stairs, and then there is a light knock on my door. I stay still in hopes that she thinks I'm asleep. I works I hear her door open and close. _

_I lie face up on my bed, put my hand behind my head and mull all this new information over. I hear another door open and close and looking over to the door to my conjoined bathroom with lily I see her standing there in only a singlet shirt and a pair of my boxers._

"_Nice try bozo" she says smiling at me. I laugh softly."But you forgot to lock this door."_

"_I'll remember that for next time" I reply as she comes to sit onto of me so that she's straddling my waist. _

"_So" she says "Why are you trying to lock me out?"_

"_Can't get anything past you can I Poss" I say._

"_Nup" She says._

"_It's nothing really. Well it's definitely something but not something I can talk about" I say twirling a piece of her fiery hair in my hands._

"_Not even with me" she pouts slightly. I sigh._

"_Especially not with you babe." I say. I can she her face forming a frown and realise what I have said wrong._

"_No I don't mean it like that. It's just that I have to work this out on my own and it's really not an easy decision to make, but no matter what happens I need you to remember how much I love you." I move so that I'm sitting up straight and facing her and I can see that she's worried about me. But she still nods her head._

"_I love you too, no matter what." She says, with tears starting to build up and flow down her cheeks. I lean down and kiss each one away before I capture her mouth in my own in a slow, passionate way. _

_I know she's strong I know she would be able to move on If I chose to leave. She would find someone else to love her and care for her, never as much as I do and will though, and I know that would I never be able to forget about her or stop loving her. I know what to do now, but before I do I have to say goodbye one last time. _

_We keep kissing until we need to surface for air. I take this opportunity to press butterfly kisses all the way down her neck, over her shoulders and down to the tops of her breasts which peak out over the top of her singlet. _

_Her head has rolled back and she has closed her eyes. I feel her hands move into my messy hair, pushing my head down she guides it to where I know she wants it to be. I let my hands creep down to the place where her shirt and my boxers meet and I run my hands over the rims of both before drawing her shirt up over her head. _

_Her nipples are already hard, forming beautiful rosy peaks. I grab one breast in each hand and massage them, thoroughly enjoying the encouraging noises protruding from her luscious lips. I take the hard buds between my fingers and pinch them lightly before slowly bringing one of them to my mouth and enjoying the sensations of liking sucking and lightly biting on it. I switch between them for a while Lily's moans like music to my ears before I feel her grow agitated and tugging on my shirt. Not bothering with the buttons I pull it quickly over my head and Lily's hands immediately beginning to roam over and touch every bit of me she can. _

_I quickly flip us over so she's lying underneath me. Her hair is messily sprawled out under her, framing her making her look absolutely breath taking._

_I kiss and lick my way down her stomach until I reach the top of my boxers. I let one of my hands wander up her leg and underneath the boxers all the way up to meet her soaked panties. I groan and let my head fall on her flat stomach as I pull the material to the side and my fingers are covered in her dripping wet juices. _

_I begin to prod one finger inside her. A second. And a third. She's thrashing around, thrusting her hips up to meet my movements. _

_I can feel her tightening around my fingers, see her hands grasping the bed sheets around us and hear her calling out my name as she comes down from her high. _

_She's panting and I haven't even begun to shower her with my final good bye. I continue this process a good two more times lapping her up and I feel saddened thinking that this will be the last time I ever hear her call out my name like that, the last time I feel her around me and the last time I feel those amazing currents run through me from her touch. _

_I can feel her reaching for my pants; I stand up and quickly take all of the remaining clothing I have off. When I return back to her I see that she has done the same and I take a moment to just stare at her. Imprint this image of her in my head forever. Taking advantage of my unaware state she flips us over and straddles my legs. She leans down and takes my bulging member in her delicate hands; she skilfully runs her hands up and down my length causing me to groan loudly._

_I bit down on my hand to stop myself from exploding as I see her take in my whole penis in her mouth. _

_It feels so good. A little too good._

'_Quick James, think about something disgusting or you're going to explode in her mouth. Ahh … think about...Umm… AH got it. Snape in a Bikini.'_

_I grab her shoulders and guide her back so that she's lying down under me. I position myself at her entrance._

'_This is the last time James, make it a memorable one.'_

_With that last thought I plunge deep within her familiar warmth. I forget about all worries of death eaters and a life without Lily and just live in the moment, like I've always been taught to do._

"_Faster" Lily says, unable to make out any other words. I comply, building up in speed and depth. The heat is rising and it is becoming difficult to think let alone talk. I can feel Lily's nails digging into my back and I can feel as the pierce skin and warm blood runs down my back. But who care, a little bit of blood loss to make her happy was definitely alright with me._

_The currents are running through my whole body and I'm shaking. We cum together, screaming each other's name and I collapse onto of her, exhausted. _

_I roll off her and she cuddles up into me, a perfect fit unlike no other. I wait for her breathing to steady and even out before I get up. She sleeping soundly and it kills me to leave, wanting to spend as much possible time with her as I could but I knew that I had to start here, gradually detach myself from her._

_I got dressed and walked back over to her, picked her up bridal style and took her back to her own her. _

_I whispered a quick and final "I love you" before I closed the door, raced back into my room, grabbed my invisibility cloak and began to roam the familiar corridors. _

_It wasn't long until I reach the statue that guarded the entrance to Dumbledore's office._

"_Fizz Whizz" I said and the statue jumped aside revealing a set of narrow stairs. I climbed the stairs and didn't even bother to knock once I reached the large wooden door._

"_I'll do it" I say standing right in front of his desk._

"_This is not easy matter James I understand if you would like more-"_

"_No, I've decided. If I'm going to do this it has to be now. No one can know about this except you and me, I can't risk any of them getting hurt" I say determinedly._

"_No matter what you do James, the people you love, the people you cherish will always feel pain, there is nothing you can do to stop that" Dumbledore says calmly._

"_I know that but their chances are even worse if something goes wrong and one of them gets hurt because they are still connected to me. It has to be a clean cut." I say and turn away and out of his office._

_The next few weeks were an absolute horror. I began to separate myself from Lily and the guys. Sitting by myself in classes and at lunch. Barricading myself in my room when I'm not at lunch or in class. Lily, Remus and Peter seem to have given up, I can hear her crying at night time but at least she's stopped trying to communicate with me. Sirius is still trying tough, stubborn as hell he is._

_Today as I make my way down to lunch I can hear Sirius calling out behind me._

"_James. Hey James wait up man." He calls. I keep walking, pretending not to hear him. _

_He finally catches up to me, but I keep looking straight ahead._

"_Hey man I was calling out to you why didn't you stop" he says._

"_Because I didn't want to talk to you, I didn't want to be around you." I say. I know It's harsh but It's going to be better for him in the long run. _

"_Wow man you have got to cut this shit out were you friends," He says and puts his hand on my shoulder. This is it, the final act that I know will push him away. "-You shouldn't b-"_

_I swing my fist out and it meets his nose. CRACK._

_I can hear a girl scream and see a flash of red run up to me as a hand connects with my cheek._

"_How dare you, you can ignore us all you want. You can be the world biggest bastard but you have no right to go and hit your friends when they are just trying to help you." Lily screamed at me._

"_Ex-friends" I say softly._

"_What" Lily says stunned._

"_I SAID Ex-friends" I say a little louder. Her hand connects with my cheek again and I can feel it burning._

_She whips around and help Sirius to his feet, which is what I desperately want to be doing and the both give me massive glares before turning their backs on me. At least I know they have each other._

"_Nice move Potter" Says the shrill voice or Bellatrix Black. I know this is my chance to start warming up to them, but I've just lost everything I hold dear I really wasn't in the mood._

Lily's POV

"Wait stop, stop you mean to tell me that the last four years of my life, the last three in which I have spent in a DEPRESED" (I could see James cringe at this) "state have all been part of a lie" I said completely outraged by this ridiculous story.


End file.
